Woke Up This Morning
by Ro Nordmann
Summary: I averted my eyes, hiding how her words stung. Maybe she was right, or maybe she had it all wrong. Appearances can be deceiving. JPOV Mobster!Jaime [AU - Modern Setting J/B Shuffled Challenge]


Have you ever felt like the days run into weeks of nothingness? Well, that is not the case of one Jaime Lannister, heir to the Rains of Castamere, the one and only Tywin Lannister. I like to consider myself the Chosen One, the right man for the job, but who's to say what the future holds, right?

I wasn't one to put much faith on the prophecies of crackpot old bats with serpents in their hair, or promises of greatness. My dear old mother always said there was no one like me. There are no men like me. Only me.

So, if this is all great and true, why am I chained to a rusted pipe with a tattered suit, waiting for the verdict of the Wolf? Ironic really, since she really is a fish-woman, not a real wolf. Tullys. The lot of them should have been eradicated from Westeros long ago, along with anyone that stands against my father's reign.

Loud voices and curses come out of the deliberating room. It brings a smile to my face. Mrs. Catelyn Stark, the recent window of the decapitated Ned Stark, won't be to hasty in her decision to plan my demise. She knows the consequences of her actions, after all her female children are my father's wards. No, she won't be executing her idle threats at me. Just waiting.

The door slammed against the wall, and storming out various men loyal to Stark and Tully left, not without giving me sneering glares my way. I simply waved back, while casually giving them the finger. There is no need to use words, for it would only cause them to take out their frustrations on me. I am bruised enough as it is.

Seconds ticked by, until finally, the Stark woman walked through the threshold, looking more haggard and sullen than I'd ever seen her. I supposed in her youth, with her red hair and blue eyes she'd been attractive enough for good old Ned, to produce five children. The reality probably had been more prosaic, open your legs and think of somewhere else it will be over soon. I was sure that had been my mother's fate as well. Married to men, as contracts and treaties between the older generation, with the sole purpose of progeny and legacy.

Her hair is the same hue as her eldest daughter, only hers shows signs of her age, with a sprinkling of gray hairs. Her dark suit is smudged and disheveled. Her eyes glare at my supine position on the floor of my captivity. For a couple of seconds only silence as our companion, I decided it had been enough. The chain against my skin is starting to chafe.

"Has my father retaliated accordingly? You have only to blame yourself for that… Now unchain me and I be on my merry way faraway from this godforsaken wasteland of ice and death-"

I kept rattling the chains, make as much noise as I was able. But Catelyn Stark is known for her stoicism, her conviction and complete loyalty to her causes. This was going to be a slow burn.

"Hmm… maybe you've been lonely these weeks without a man… to warm your bed, to kiss your neck, to lick your wet cunt, to fuck you until you scream… Is that why you've kept me like a toy to be beaten up? Want me to crawl on my knees and pleasure you, my lady Stark? Sorry to disappoint you. I only fuck one woman, and you aren't her."

This time she stared into my eyes, not raising her hands to slap. It would have been justifiable after what I had said to her. It was degrading and insulting, but that had been my intention all along. A movement on her right side distracted me from her inquiring blue orbs. Whatever it was, it was humongous. Freakishly tall. Maybe she didn't need my cock after all.

"My apologies, Mrs. Stark. I didn't know you had found a replacement so song. He must hit every crevice Ned never did."

The mountainous shadow came forward into the light… it wasn't a man, or was it. Hair was so light, and brittle, the color of straw. I could barely make out the face, but the eyes… what astonishing eyes, the most peculiar shade of blue. It spoke in retaliation.

"You dare speak to a highborn lady in this manner, Kingslayer? Do I have to remind you, it is because of her you still draw breath? Should I change that for you?"

And there it was, the heir of Tywin Lannister had his own reputation, as infamous and as great. In retrospect, it was an error of my youth, that to this day I haven't lived down.

"Where did you find this… beast? Mrs. Stark… for I refuse to call you Lady Stoneheart to your face… I implore once again to set me free. I will get to my father, speak on your behalf, tell him of your mercy. This way your daughter won't have to suffer for the acts of folly and revenge. Yes, I admitted to you my crime against your family. But, you have to understand my loyalty is to the Lannister family, first and foremost. As show of good faith between us, I will broker the return of your daughters on my return to King's Landing."

Catelyn Stark took her time staring at my face, then moved back to stare at the only window in the room. Her skin pale white against the light made her look more ghastly.

"You will answer for your crimes, Kingslayer. Not today. But soon you will be looking behind you, waiting for the moment the gods find opportune to strike you dead. You crippled my Bran. You are an unrepentant incestuous bastard, may your children spit on your face in the face of your deceit. And that sister of yours, may she grow mad with her guilt. Brienne… take him to King's Landing, as you swore to me. Nothing may befall him, until he's securely standing in front of his nefarious sire. Give my regards, to your Lord father, may he die by the same justice he upholds. Give me my daughters back, and my son shall stop killing Lannisters. Get him out of my sight."

With her judgement spoken, she left the room without looking back. My other companion fidgets with the keys on her hands, making want to have use of my own to strangle her.

"Brieeennneee… What are you exactly? Woman? She-man? You are too fucking tall for a woman… well, you're the tallest I've ever seen ever. What's the plan? I guess those men out there won't be pleased to hear I've been set free, when all they've been gunning for is to have five minutes with me, each. I believe my father needs to remind the lot of them of what he's capable of, so they don't forget it again. Are you done playing with the keys? Come on wench! Unchain me!"

The beastly woman almost dropped the keys, causing her face to bloom in pinkish spots. Her enormously shaped hands brushed my wrists. It was the moment to strike, use my charms against this brutish she-man.

"Anyone ever tell you, that you have the most beautiful eyes? Makes up for the rest. I could surely fuck you, while staring at your eyes. Would you like that, wench? Ride me hard, come all over me, while I stare at your eyes… make you feel like a woman. I can handle you, not many could."

Her answer, not a single word, not even a twitch of her cheek. Maybe the stink emanating from my body and my black eye had turned her off.

"Now, that you've finally shut that filthy mouth, I can tell you how this will go down. I will uncuff one hand, and you will stay put. I will put the cuff back, for I won't be traveling with you, hands-free understand, Kingslayer?"

She was much closer, and I could see a scar on her upper lip going, marring her plump lips. She had another healed scar on her forehead, it seemed more recent. I wondered who had done it, who had gotten so close to her imposing physique. I hoped she had gotten him good. With dexterous flick, the cuff came free, so did my aching hand. I flexed it and rubbed it with my other imprisoned hand. But just as my jailer pushed on the ball of her feet to stand, I grabbed her throat with my right hand. Using the momentum to my favor, it caused Brienne to fall forward right into… my lips. Truth be told it was the most ungallant kiss I had ever given. Her lips were chapped, a sign that she bit the quite often and didn't take care of using some lip balm. It didn't matter, mine weren't any better at the moment. My element of surprise allowed me to overwhelm this beast of a woman, so far she had been petrified by my minute touch.

Moving back, my eyes searched hers, and for some unknown reason, nothing else mattered to me. I wanted to know why they spoke of inner melancholia that could drown the world. I shook my head trying to clear it of the fogginess that had stunted my plan. Still stock in place, my lips moved closer to her chin, grazing her skin until my mouth touched her earlobe.

"Do you want to know what it feels like to be a woman?"

Her eyes met mine once more, and her lips opened to mine. My tongue brushed tentatively, gaining courage to enter her opened mouth. My mistake was to close my eyes for a mere second… the she-male bit my tongue. It is bleeding, and she laughs.

"Serves you right, Kingslayer. Never let your guard down. Too trusting. How have you survived this long, boggles my mind. Surely no heir of the Rains of Castamere would fall for faux complacency so fast. Get. Up. Now. And don't get anymore ideas. I might have an oath to take you back to your sire, but it doesn't mean I can't beat you into submission. Don't think I won't."

::

"Can't believe you think this piece of trash is capable of taking us all the way to King's Landing. Lady Stoneheart didn't have a car to spare? At least let us listen to decent music, all this silence is boring me to death. You gotta be the most appalling babysitter. 'Cause that's what you are… a glorified Kingslayer's guard. It would be treason in the eyes of the North. I bet you won't be showing your face there again… maybe I can put a good word for you, so you can join my father's-"

"I serve Catelyn Stark. I do not care for the politics of the North or their squabbles. Nor do I care for King's Landing. I'm not looking for a job, Kingslayer. Once I deliver you, I will return the Stark children to their mother. That's what I intent to do, hopefully with no blood spilled."

I kept praying for miracle, a flat tire, a steaming radiator, anything that would give the advantage I needed to flee. I wasn't interested in killing the stupid wench so much anymore. Her ignorance of the worldview was really not her fault. I didn't want to be the one to teach her the greatest lesson. Westeros was divided into lordships, control by a head. This mob boss had absolute control over his dominion, but every few years some got greedy and wanted to expand their horizons into other territories resulting in wars that could last decades. In a positive view, it caused a boom in births, in response to new generations to keep the body count. In this my father had succeeded by eradicating a dying house incapable of reproducing faster than their meager standing army.

Hence the song, the fame that surrounded the Lannister name. No one fucked with a Lannister, for he would make you pay. Or more appropriately, a Lannister always pays his debts, meaning what he owed he would return twofold. Fortune and the gods had been in our favor for at least forty years, but lately I've questioned if my birth had been cast on the wrong day. The open road ahead and the silent beast beside me was a respite, that only brewed thoughts of the past and truths hidden.

My mother… the only woman who's ever loved me, wasn't dead as I was let to believe for twenty-five years. Furthermore, my twin-sister, my other half and the love of my life had turned the bane of my existence. Words may be gone like the wind, but her confession still lived inside my brain. She knew of the secrets that plagued House Lannister, and for some godforsaken reason she had chosen to divulge them to me, to shatter my sanity. Death was on her hands, to safe her life, to safe face against her bastard husband, to protect her children… children I had pushed into her womb. My poor dead brother, blood spilled by her hands. Lies, everything that comes from her mouth are lies.

I feel Cersei Lannister, now Mrs. Baratheon, has taken more than half of what consist of my soul. It isn't fair. It isn't just. I want justice. I want revenge… Tyrion, my dear baby brother, a reflection of my deformed inner world, how I miss your wit and your smile. Father probably suspected, maybe even thanked his wicked daughter. Yet the truth doesn't stop there… mother lives. She hides from Tywin, from an even more ruinous fact. Turns out I am half-sister fucker. It is still incest, on my mother's side. And her father is my uncle Kevan, so she's my sister and my cousin. Physically is not apparent, both brothers being the fathers, both Lannisters, we share the golden hair and the green eyes. No would be wiser. A secret kept by blood and legacy. I didn't want to believe Cersei's words. It didn't matter to me, I was still in love with her. I'd asked how she found out. A letter she said. A letter my mother had left for her eyes only. Some tests done had revealed it, causing my mother to find a way to escape, fake her own death, leaving behind three children motherless with a despot for a father.

Twelve years was how long I had with my mother. I think I have inherited her love for keeping it in the family.

My eyes had closed on their own, and just when I was about to fall asleep the car swerved. The wench tried to control the car, but there was no way, we were about to crash. The whiplash fucked with my head and my neck, I had some lacerations on my face and arms. Our only transportation was officially dead. The wench kept kicking the tire and huffing, completely ignoring me. I noticed she had two guns on her shoulder holster. I could easy swap one and take off, there was no way I could survive the trek to King's Landing unarmed. I decided to try a first tactic.

"Hey wench! Give me one of your guns, this way I can protect myself. You only need one anyway. We have to move soon. This ruckus will attract attention from the locals, and I am sure they won't hesitate to deliver me back to Robb Stark or worse. I like my head right were it is, don't you?"

With an icy stare and clenched teeth, she simply nodded back.

"Does that mean you like my head, wench? Want to have another go? Maybe I can get you out of that horrible outfit… find some stream, so I can clean off this three-day old sweat…"

"Give it a rest, Lannister."

"Ooooooh, making progress wench. Lannister is much better. Soon you'll be calling me Jaime, Jaime, Jaimeeeee!"

She strode right in front of my face, with her hands fisted at her sides.

"Do you want to start losing teeth? I don't think your father will mind much. You might start thinking before speaking. Now walk, I'll follow. And don't get any more colorful ideas. The next bullet out of my gun might just make you appreciate the children you've got."

I wanted to keep her talking, to see what she would willingly reveal about herself.

"I'm their uncle. I will always be uncle Jaime. Now, tell me do you have children of your own, little she-males and he-shes around?"

"You find yourself hilarious? I'm not laughing, Kingslayer."

It was turn to be frustrated and the one huffing hot air.

"Kingslayer. You despise me. You want to kill much more than that room full of northerners. I did push Brandon Stark out of a window. I did it to protect a secret… well you know it now. If my father knows of it, seven hells will be paid. Not enough blood to satiate his wrath. Yes, my mouth runs away from me. Contrary to you, who barely says one word to me in ten hours. We have what four, maybe five hours left to get to King's Landing… how are we going to get there without a car. We'll be seen. Scouts from the Riverlands will announce that a beast and Jaime Lannister have entered their land without permission. I insist you should give me the gun."

The wench choked on her own spit, trying to hold back her outrage.

"Give you a gun, you say? What do you think I'm dumb? You'll shoot me dead, and probably go back and kill any Stark left to assure your father prevails. You believe in no justice, you can't tell right from wrong, Kingslayer."

I averted my eyes, hiding how her words stung. Maybe she was right, maybe she had it all wrong. Appearances can be deceiving.

"You like to fill your mouth calling me that. Spitting it out. I've heard it for more than a decade. Wind and words, wench. Behind that name lies a truth you can't imagine. Once, I did know right from wrong. It saved lives. Don't believe, I don't care. I didn't do it for my father's rising power. It clearly didn't do me any favors. My only saving grace is my sharpshooting abilities, turning me into the most formidable adversary in Westeros, a silent assassin that takes care of business quickly and silently. Afraid to give me that gun now, Brienne?"

With a movement too quick for her to detected, I took one of the guns, allowing my fingers to pet an old friend. A Sig Sauer, not a bad choice at all. I gotta admit, the wench knew her guns and how to pick 'em. And loaded. My next move was pointing the gun at her head. Its twin was staring me in the face.

"So, we are going to die in this nondescript place, while our bosses look for replacements? You know that we are completely replaceable? Even I, the Heir. My father will find someone worthy in his eyes to take my place. He might just to that to smite me. Tywin's progeny are always lacking in his eyes. Think this through, Brienne. Nothing good will come out of this. Think of Sansa and Arya Stark. Think of our oath."

"Pleading now, Kingslayer. I thought it would be beneath you. But, sadly you're right. If you die, those two girls die as well. I'm going to count to three and you'll surrender the gun. Drop it, Lannister, and you'll live to die another day."

::

_You woke up this morning_  
_Got yourself a gun,_  
_Mama always said you'd be_  
_The Chosen One._

_She said: You're one in a million_  
_You've got to burn to shine,_  
_But you were born under a bad sign,_  
_With a blue moon in your eyes._

_You woke up this morning_  
_All the love has gone,_  
_Your Papa never told you_  
_About right and wrong._

_But you're looking good, baby,_  
_I believe you're feeling fine, (shame about it),_  
_Born under a bad sign_  
_With a blue moon in your eyes._

_You woke up this morning_  
_The world turned upside down,_  
_Thing's ain't been the same_  
_Since the Blues walked into town._

_But you're one in a million_  
_You've got that shotgun shine._  
_Born under a bad sign,_  
_With a blue moon in your eyes._

_When you woke up this morning everything you had was_  
_gone. By half past ten your head was going ding-dong._  
_Ringing like a bell from your head down to your toes,_  
_like a voice telling you there was something you should_  
_know. Last night you were flying but today you're so low_  
_- ain't it times like these that make you wonder if_  
_you'll ever know the meaning of things as they appear to_  
_the others; wives, mothers, fathers, sisters and_  
_brothers. Don't you wish you didn't function, wish you_  
_didn't think beyond the next paycheck and the next little_  
_drink' Well you do so make up your mind to go on, 'cos_  
_when you woke up this morning everything you had was gone._

_When you woke up this morning,_  
_When you woke up this morning,_  
_When you woke up this morning,_  
_Mama said you'd be the Chosen One._

_When you woke up this morning,_  
_When you woke up this morning,_  
_When you woke up this morning,_  
_You got yourself a gun._

::


End file.
